Hello 2017

For someone who writes for a living, I have been extremely remiss in updating my personal blog. Lol. I have not written a single blog post in more than year. Hopefully, my schedule lets up this year and allow me some personal writing time.

2016 has been infinitely better than 2015 and 2014. For that, I am extremely thankful to the Lord above for bestowing favors in me. My kids have grown up so fast. They got their share of sickness and maladies but nothing major, I sigh in great relief.

Work has been steady. I’ve learned a lot of new skills. My writing has gotten better. I have become more adept at project management. What I should improve on is my juggling skills. I should practice the art of doing six things at the same time. For now, I can only manage four. Hahaha.

My personal triumphs in 2016 has been with my community service. I am so happy spending most of my free time (including others) helping the underprivileged sectors of the society. I have been to places that will set you back to 20 years prior where access to schools and even necessities like water and electricity is difficult. I’ve met a lot school aged kids who think you’re Santa Claus for giving them slippers or school supplies. My heart definitely broke for those severely wasted Grade 7 kids who look like they’re just Grade 2 pupils.

2016 was also the year that I spearheaded JCI Bai Lawanen’s school to school advocacy- Husto Na: Zero Tolerance for Bullies (anti-bullying campaign). This campaign won the Merit Awards during the 2016 Mindanao Convention Gawad Awards and the Best Education for Peace Award in the 2016 JCI Philippines National Convention Temiong Awards. This year, we will continue with this advocacy and pair it with other worthwhile advocacy like Responsible Use of Social Media.

2017 will again be a busy year for me. In a month’s time, it’s going to be our induction. In March, my only daughter will officially become a teenager (OMG!). And of course, I’ll turn a year older too.

I’ll end this post with a link to our video shoot almost a year ago.

JCI Bai Lawanen 2016 Board of Directors

 

 

 

 

 

Mr Wrong

It’s been 7 months since my last blog post.’7 months of trying to bottle everything inside. There were several attempts to start on a new post. But they were just that. Attempts. That didn’t come to fruition.

So why write once again? Back in the old days, writing and sharing my innermost thoughts have been therapeutic for me. It was my coping mechanism. I have been battling depression and dealing with all sorts of problems and writing has been my escape route.

2014 has been the worst year in my 35 years of existence. I’ve experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows last year. I experienced what it is to give love another chance only to witness it fall into pieces a few months later. Time was kinder this time as I have been given the opportunity to meet someone else midway through the year.

I was wary of the speed that I fell for someone so soon after I ended my previous relationship. But I got blindsided by his boyish charms and sort of innocent ways. Though instinct were screaming for me to take things slowly this time, I succumbed to this attraction hook, line and sinker.

And I thought I was wiser this time. Commitment was something I did not need. I set the pace with this guy. I imposed rules that I thought would protect me from future pain. What I did not see coming was the fact that my self imposed restrictions on this kind of setup would backfire and hurt me in the end.

Because the agreement that we have has put me in the position of the meantime girl. What it means is that we are not binded by commitment to nurture and grow the relationship. We meet when it was convenient for us though lately, I have to make a lot of arrangements just so I can accommodate his otherwise super hectic schedule.

I demanded privacy and secrecy. He agreed to it. I did not expect I’d be so frustrated by the limited instances that we could meet openly in public. I came to resent the fact that we could never go out publicly on a date for fear of people finding out about us. Common friends speculated but only a few knew the truth about us.

Worst of all, because there’s no commitment involved, it has given us the license to see other people. I thought at the start it would be advantageous on my part since that would mean there would be no cheating involved this time. It was too late in the game that I found out that my perception of the no commitment thingie was vastly different from how the guy I was seeing viewed it. Unfortunately that so called agreement was full of grey areas that are now haunting me.

Truth be told, things would have worked just fine if we just abided to the usual time frame for this kind of relationship. Now we are 4 months too late to end this charade. Unknowingly, I have invested on emotions I could not afford to give to someone else because over time I’ve come to care for this guy more than he deserves. It’s either you go gung hu for commitment or just play games but end it before it has really began. There’s no way a relationship can work without commitment. No way at all.

And now it’s too late. The relationship is just about to end. And I know I won’t be escaping it unscathed. It’s too late for me to say I’m done playing games.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish I wasnt too quick to judge feelings based on misconceptions. I wish I ended things before I started caring for this guy. I wished my jaded heart didn’t pick this time to start caring for someone else once again.

Coz yet again, I’m chalking up another Mr. Wrong when He could have been Mr. Right.